Looks like it’s time for me to do an update (yes, Curvaceous Dee’s hilarious and detailed updates on her brainchild to celebrate National Masturbation Month have shamed me into “exposing” my masturbatory habits for the titillation of all you lovely folks out there in cyberland.) It’s interesting to me that I can expose myself in all kinds of other ways here in this blog, in pictures and emotionally, and yet, talking about self-pleasuring myself makes me blush, makes me feel shy and inhibited. To say nothing of the act of it. Fucking myself is tinged with embarrassment and a bit of shame, when I know someone else will know about it.
Or is watching.
But, for me, sometimes that feeds the fuel. Erotic embarrassment is one of those things that charges me even as it makes me uncomfortable. We’ve augmented the rules, a bit, to account for that, or to capitalize on it, perhaps, and it’s led to some…interesting…wank-urtunities.
First I realized how few sex toys I actually have, so I went over to W’s and asked if he had any to add to my supply. Thinking, you know, wooden or glass dildo, buttplug, something along those lines, right?
Um, no. He comes up with an unusual (but very W-like) array of things that no one else would ever consider using as sex toys.
So the first rule augmentation is that W or Ad gets to choose the toy I will use each time. W chose the first, and of course–being W–it couldn’t be a normal sex toy. Oh no, he had to give me his heavy steel suspension ring. Um, seriously? What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Then, to make it more fun (for him) he gagged me, with the metal dental gag I spoke of in this post. I thought I was quite clever tying the ring to a length of rope hanging on his wall and hooking my foot inside it. (That was within the rules–I used it!) I think he got a chuckle from that too.
Next, Ad decided if I was going to do it over at W’s, W needed to take pictures so I could send them to him when I was done. Got some hot fucking-myself-in-the-bathtub pics of that. And since that was with the Bliss, a pink vibrator/dildo that I won from Eden Fantasys, Ad decided we’d have a pink theme for that first week, so the next toys to be used, when I used toys, would be a pink barbell that W had thoughtfully provided, a pink (ish), rubbery, weird-looking two-pronged dildo (from W, again), and, since I had used the Bliss only in my pussy, I should use it again, this time in my ass. We may extend the pink theme to clothing, as I have a silly bit of sheer pink lingerie, complete with feathers at the neck and hem and feathery mules. lol I anticipate some fun Wanton Wednesday pics to come of this whole game. 🙂
I have been keeping a Wankfest 2010 spreadsheet, and though I am not as diligent as Dee in updating it, it has garnered some lovely writing nuggets, some of which I will share in future posts, I am sure. I’ll leave you with one image, from last night’s wank:
W had me sit on a stool in the upstairs window in the sun and use the pink 1 lb barbell in my pussy, with another one made into a gag, while he watched and took pics. After I came (twice) and thought I was finished, he handed me the next size up weight. I discovered that the rounded ends of the weights push in just the right place inside when I fuck myself with them. And I did, vigorously. The motion of shoving that thing inside me, over and over, and the image of it in my head, was just as hot as the actual feeling of the weight inside me. There’s just something primal about that image that frequently occupies my masturbation fantasies.
THEN he gave me an even larger weight and told me to use that. Looking at it, I knew I couldn’t put it inside me, it was too large. I shook my head mutely at him, kind of thinking he was kidding, until I got a good look at his face. “Find a way to fuck yourself with it, or I will,” he said. “I’ll get it inside of you.” Um, yeah, he wasn’t kidding. Of course not. Not W. That was enough incentive for me to figure out a way (and to get over my embarrassment) to hump it until I came. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do it—but I succeeded!
I’m not a public sex person, but fucking myself in that window, where I imagined anyone could see me, was pretty hot. Pretty soon I was imagining that there were people in the room with us, men jerking themselves off in front of me, while W took pictures and called me a whore for fucking myself in front of them, and what a slut I was because I’d use anything he told me to use to fuck myself.