Blow-Job January

Sex

I’m a failure. A big, fat, non-blow-jobbing failure.
He gave me a challenge this past January.  As you all know, my physical issues have limited my abilities to perform in all the ways that he expects and likes me to, but he reminded me, quite succinctly, that not having use of my cunt didn’t mean that I was completely useless–my mouth was still working and still, per him, available.
And he expected me to use it.
So he gave me a challenge: Give five blowjobs in January.  I could arrange for them to happen anywhere and anytime, but they had to be new “prospects,” not someone I had already had sexual contact with. (For instance, he and Ad didn’t count, and I couldn’t do anyone twice.  Or, well, I could, but the second time wouldn’t count in my total.)
If I completed my goal, there was a reward at the end. Okay, okay, he didn’t exactly state that there would be a reward, but the implication was there.  (I’m sure it was!)  I asked him if there could be a reward, he said if I managed to get it done I certainly deserved one…so yeah, that would mean Jade would get a reward, right?
Except…I failed.
I can’t believe that I couldn’t manage to give five blowjobs in a month! Damn, I must really be falling down on the job. (sigh)  But okay, maybe it wasn’t entirely my fault.  Weather, my health, a Blowjob January prospect’s health, scheduling issues (mine and theirs) all conspired against me.
And all I am left with is a sense of failure…and some hot memories of the two blowjobs I did manage to give.
The first was a special friend that I have been flirting with pretty much non-stop since I met him online via a local swingers group. He and his fiance are “sort of” swingers…more like W and I in a way actually, than swingers in the true sense of the word (or as I understand it.) No, not that they are kinky, but that they look at it as an opportunity to be open, playful, flirty and sexual with others, not necessarily to “hook up” every time. Of course W views the parties as a way to scope out potential new “suitors” for me, and I am sure he wouldn’t mind some lovely lady going down on him, or letting him tie her up and fuck her, but that isn’t our purpose in dipping our toes in that scene.  And…truth to tell…I would kind of enjoy seeing that as well.  I am curious about how it would feel to watch him with someone else again. I wonder if knowing that they were swingers would ease some of my knee-jerk insecurities that always beset me–that and the sure knowledge that (because they are swingers and not dyed-in-the-wool kinksters) there really isn’t anything that any of them could do that would be more or better than what I do for him.
Yeah, I know, I’m not supposed to feel that–or at least admit it! But it’s there. I’d rather acknowledge it so that I can possibly overcome it than to pretend to be perfect.
I will admit though that I have had a definite curiosity/interest in seeing him with someone else lately.  Heh, maybe it’s just my emotional masochism peeking out.
In any case, I haven’t been real hopeful of finding other kinksters in that scene, but interestingly enough, my first contact from a swingers group, D, is kinky! We discovered that when I sent him a link to some of my writings, and he was bright and curious enough to follow the breadcrumbs to this very blog (hi D!) And…ever since…flirting has been even more intense.  He gets off on some fun stuff…I only hope that he and W get it together to do some of those nasty things to me.
(What!?! Me hint? ~blinking innocently~)
So, there I was at the beginning of January…or, maybe more toward the end of the first week. I had a date later in the week already scheduled, and my friend comes online. Of course I tell him what’s up. And give him shit about not getting to be “first in line.” Ha! He was all over that–and just like that, I had a date for a Monday afternoon lunch hour rendezvous.
You have to understand that although I had met him at another bar meet & greet thing, it had been very brief, and over a month earlier. We didn’t know each other well, although he has perused my blogs and other writings enough to probably get inside my head pretty well. Which is a lovely thing, btw. To know that someone is interested enough in me to actually read what I write? And not only yesterday’s and today’s, but back for weeks? Wow. Quite…flattering.
And a little disconcerting. In a good way. 😉
So. He picked me up at work. We went straight to the park, where we had sandwiches that he’d brought and then…he found a spot…we climbed into the back seat of his big-ass truck…and I gave my first blow job for Blowjob January!  It was naughty, and hot, and makes me tingle, thinking about it–meeting a man for the first time for the express purpose of giving him head!  In broad daylight, in a parking lot at the park, on my lunch break, because W had told me to.  God I LOVE giving head.  Have I said that before?  Oh wait, yeah I have, many times. LOL
Even more, though, I love giving head when ordered to by my Owner. Oh let’s face it–I love doing anything when he tells me to. Hell, he could tell me to stand in the corner whistling Dixie and it’d turn me on.
More than that, I was pretty proud of myself for doing it, period. It was a bit of a stretch for me, but having my first be someone that…warm…and sweet about it…made it perfect.  Although I love the feeling of mild (to not-so-mild) degradation that infuses a lot of W’s and my play of this sort, of feeling forced and used, I didn’t feel that with D. I felt…edgy, and a bit raunchy, and very daring, but not humiliated at all.  Which was…perfect.  Afterward I was just…happy. Pleased as punch with myself, thrilled that I had pleased him (and in doing so pleased W as well)–and quite confident in that moment that I could make my goal.
Of course I didn’t, but not for lack of trying.
There was the guy later that week whose work schedule conflicted at the last minute. There was a kid schedule conflict on my part when we tried to reschedule. There was snow one night that prevented a guy that I have been trying to set something up with for–literally–months from coming into town. There were the tentative plans that never happened because another guy never texted me to confirm. I was glad at the time, as I really wasn’t up to it, my health being a bigger factor than I had thought it would be, but only later did I find out that he thought I was going to get ahold of him.  And then there was snow.  Snow and snow and more snow when two vanilla dates that might have turned into something if I decided to really be a slut were supposed to happen. Again, I wasn’t too disappointed as I was still feeling pretty puny (and my dates have been rescheduled for this week–two first dates, back-to-back nights, with two different men at the same wine bar!  I didn’t even realize what I’d done til I looked at my calendar.  lol)
But. All that did not translate to Jade performing her Primary Function!
Then W came to the rescue so that I wouldn’t feel an utter and complete failure.  He set up a wonderfully degrading little scenario. Unfortunately it was with a guy that he’d set me up with before, so it wasn’t quite as edgy/degrading as it could have been…and technically, according to the rules, it really didn’t count, but since W set it up, and since it was so so bad–it did the trick for me mentally. I didn’t feel like such a loser after all.
The set-up?  W emailed me that when I got off work we were going to meet a guy in a parking lot and follow him to a parking garage, where I’d get into his car, and while W stood look-out, I’d give the guy head. Then I’d get back into W’s car and we’d proceed on with our evening. It was the evening that we went over to the piercer’s to get me pierced, and that I ended up having my cunt ringed closed. So…it was a lovely evening in many ways.
But now…it’s February. How am I going to make up for my Blowjob January failure????

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