What do…


a “foodbowl”

a scissor-lift table

a big-ass hook

a “peebowl”

an electric toothbrush

some bamboo skewers

a decorative curtain rod with a pretty ball on the end

a cattle prod


a wooden trunk

all have in common?

They can all be purchased at a hardware store, of one sort or another.
And why is this important, you ask?
Well, it got my sex-engine choo-chooing again. That’s pretty freakin’ important, right? (Okay, it’s important to me. But whatever.)
It happened this way:
He asked me how my latest erotic story was going. The one that’s due in 4 days.
“It’s not,” I admitted. “My sexy’s broke.”
I didn’t want to make him feel guilty, so I didn’t add, “And it’s all your fault!! You left and went away to New York City without me and now I can’t fucking find a sexy thought in my head to save my goddamned life!!!”
Cuz, you know, I’m not all self-centered like that. I know he was probably having as awful a time there without me as I was here without him. (Yeah, riiiiight. ~rolling eyes~) Anyway.
It’s true though. Not the part about it being his fault (well okay, it actually is, but we’ll overlook that for the moment.) But the part about me not being able to write sexy stuff when I’m not having sexy stuff? Yeah, totally true. I can’t create sexy stories or even write about the real stuff when I’m not having sex, when I’m not thinking about sex, when I’m not feeling sex.  Little Sister just shuts up shop, the juices stop flowing, and the part that connects my brain and my creative juices to the rest of me shuts down too.
A fellow writer told me once that that is how she gets in the mood, gets her sexy back, when it’s disappeared. She writes herself into heat again. That just doesn’t seem to work with me.
So yeah…here I’ve been, big plans to use “all this time” to write this story…and…and…
I got nuthin’. My brain’s as dry, dry, dry as my lonely lil cunny.
“So, um…maybe…” I begin tentatively… “Maybe you could help me out. Give me some little task or other. Something small, it doesn’t have to be a big deal…”
This is always a bit tricky. I know when W is feeling stressed that he doesn’t transition to kink easily. I also know when he is in vanilla mode he doesn’t switch gears well. But, maybe this would be good for him, too.
“Unless you’re not up for it,” I say when he doesn’t reply right away. I don’t want him to feel pressured.
“Actually,” he said, “I’ve been thinking about that today.”
So here’s a secret (yeah, yeah, not so secret but again, whatever.) I am hopeless when it comes to this guy. Just that simple phrase, “I’ve been thinking about that today,” and suddenly I am weak in the knees, my heart starts to race, I feel my cunt coming back to life. He was thinking about me! He was thinking about sex and kink and bad things and wrongness with me!  Halleluiah and praise the lord! (Or something like that.)
I wait with bated breath. What will he say? What will he ask me to do? Will it be something sexual, something embarrassing? Will I have to wear or do something specific? Will I have to take a picture? What what what???
“You’ve been sending me lots of pictures of hardware,” he says.
(Oh my god, oh my god, is he going to make me go buy something at a hardware store? And use it on myself? Fuck myself with it and take pictures? Or wear it to work??)
“I want you to go to a hardware store, or look online, and find something that I could pervert into a torture device,” he says. “Then write me a story about me using it on someone.”
I stare at the monitor blankly (we were in IM.) I have to figure out what to do with a hardware device?? Me??
I’m not the inventor, he is.
But…okay. Huh.
I give it some thought. I look around online. And then I do what any smart, internet-savvy person would do: I cheated. I put out a call to my FB and Twitter peeps for help:

“W gave me a ridiculous writing task. Ridiculous because I’M not the inventor, he is! He wants me to find a piece of pervertable hardware and write a story about him using it on “someone.” So, I’m cheating. (Hey, he’s not on FB, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt…me. ~smirk~) So here’s the challenge, all you lovely pervs out there: send me links/ideas for hardware pervertables! I’ll make sure you get to read my dirty little story about it if you do… ;-)”

And that list up there? That’s what we came up with. Or at least partially. Some are my own ideas. And some great ideas that people came up with W has already done in some form or other, so I can’t reuse them. But I think our fictional heroine is going to have…quite the adventure.

You’ll have to check back to see what the Mean Guy does with all those lovely toys, though. 🙂

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