I separated out the “P” for the Alphabet Challenge (even though I am still woefully behind) because the word for one of my favorite P things is “praise,” and that is the kink for the Kink of the Week. It also happens to be the topic for last week’s Revelations, but as I often do, I missed that deadline. (You can still go read other, better organized bloggers’ responses to the topic tho by clicking the link above.)
I don’t know that I would actually call praise a “kink” for me though. It is just something that I crave from a kink partner and respond to very well from within a D/s relationship. I listed hearing “good girl” under either my H or G letters as well, and it’s true that this is one of my favorite things. But while there is something deliciously kinky about a D/s partner saying it at times, and there are times when it can actually make my pussy clench, but most of the time it simply suffuses me with pleasure that he has noticed my effort to do what he has told me to do or to behave in a way that pleases him. So, it is very much a part of our kink, but not necessarily kinky in and of itself to me.
subBee mentioned over in their blog that they felt that the definition of a praise kink is one in which praise is used as a tool, or as the primary “play,” within a BDSM scene. I’m not sure about that, maybe because I’ve never seen it used in that way or experienced it. Obviously just because I don’t know about it doesn’t mean it’s not a thing though, lol. I’m just not sure if that kind of scene would do it for me.
Thinking about it, I think it would just make me uncomfortable, maybe because it wouldn’t feel earned, or authentic, or deserved or something? I’d actually be really curious to see how it might play out though. It’s easy enough to envision a scene where humiliation is at the crux of the scene. I’ve seen enough of those (and been involved in a few pretty intense degradation scenes with Tops W brought in to use me that way, as well as a lot of humiliation play with W himself) so am quite familiar with that side of things. But the other side … showering me with praise? I don’t know.
Then again, “You’ll do this for me, won’t you? You’ll suffer for me,” feels very close to praise to me. (Is that fucked up?)
Of course even the definition of the word “praise” can be subjective. I’m thinking of the use of the words slut, bitch, and cunt – these sound like they are meant to be demeaning, but if I’m sucking his cock and he says “that’s my bitch, take it all” as opposed to telling me what a good girl I am to be sucking his cock, both of those things suffuse me with just as much pleasure as his “Good night, my Jade.” Perhaps it’s because even though the words are very different and they sound like their intent is different, actually, the intent is the same: I am being praised for being what he wants, for doing what he wants, and for acting in a way that pleases him, and that feels good.