Morning bj’s, “sleepy bj’s,” are the best. We woke earlier than we needed to this morning and cuddled awhile, enjoying each other’s warmth, the sun peeking through the blinds, the feeling of not having to be anywhere just yet.
Well except I did have to be somewhere. I’d signed up for a weightlifting class at my gym later that morning and had to go home to get kitted out for it.
Did I really want to go?
I debated briefly with myself. Unfortunately the answer was yes. I did not want to squander the feeling of motivation I was enjoying, of good health and anticipation for a workout. So out of bed I’d have to get.
“I don’t have to leave just yet, though,” I said, pressing against him.
He picked up what I meant right away. “You do owe me,” he said, referring to one of the two times he bowled over 200 the other night during league. He turned onto his back to give me access.
“I do,” I replied. “Let’s start your day off right.”
He laughed. “Mine! You mean start yours off right.”
“Okay, okay…this is a mutually beneficial blow job,” I agreed. But I was a little stung.
It’s no secret that I love to suck his cock. But it wouldn’t give me pleasure if I didn’t know he wanted it. I don’t do it just for myself, or even mostly for myself. I do it because I want to give him pleasure. I want to make him feel good. I want to make him lose control in that last moment. I want to do that to him and for him.
And then there’s this: cocksucking is a singular pleasure of mine, for sure, but having it as part of a D/s dynamic, as part of what I am expected to do for my Top – whether or not it is something I want – has always made it that much better for me. Satisfying the submissive as well as the cockwhore.
I know that’s not how dominance, or even sexuality, presents itself in him. Sexual service has not really been a thing for him in the past – even less so (consensual) sexual violence. I think he appreciates that I’m a rapacious cockwhore, but it’s maybe more from a perspective of amusement rather than lust.
But as a submissive, and as a woman who feeds off giving my partners pleasure, it can be a difficult dynamic to work my mind around. And in that moment, it didn’t sound like either of those things was happening, either lust or dominance. It sounded like he was just doing me a favor. Like it wasn’t something he wanted.
I realize, now, that that probably wasn’t really what was going on. He was probably just teasing me, and in an odd way reinforcing our roles: he would allow me to suck his cock, if I really really wanted to. It didn’t mean anything to him, but if it meant that much to me…
In the end it did mean that much to me. And we had a lovely, sleepy bj.