Perspective

Me, at the pool at an after-hike pool party hosted by a fellow hiker who also happens to be K’s (sometime) play partner.

There’s a lot of things that I like about this image, one of which is the surprise of getting to see my bird from a fresh perspective. Sometimes I forget he’s there, my hummingbird, and seeing him is a jolt – a nice one: “Ooh pretty!”

I like my shoulders in this picture too, bare and freckly and as close to tan as I get. I don’t always appreciate my skin, with its propensity for melanoma, but it’s pretty here. And too, from this vantage I can see the places K strokes his fingers when he is calming me or dropping me down into trance, across my shoulders and down my back.

Then there’s my hair – I don’t usually get to see how the silver is growing out, or how thick and lustrous it is. Looking at it now I’m glad I stopped coloring it.

And how about those fun red toenails? I’m holding my feet in this picture, a posture that if I didn’t know it was me I would find absolutely adorable. Holding my feet, rocking back and forth on the edge of the pool, laughing at something someone said.

That’s the perspective I like best in this photo: seeing where I am looking, and the expression on my face that is more felt than seen here. I’m looking out over the pool where friends are paddling around, naked or nearly so, all them laughing and talking. I think, in this exact moment, that I have caught K’s eye, and there is a feeling of sharing something special between us – the warmth of spending time together among friends.

My perspective on what this scenario might have been like was quite a bit different earlier. We’d had a “poly wobble” the night before, brought about (mostly) by my own insecurities, and although we’d (mostly) resolved it, I was still feeling unsure and discomfited earlier that morning. But one thing that I’ve tried really hard to do differently in this relationship is to let go of that which doesn’t serve me. And holding on to those negative feelings certainly didn’t serve me, or our relationship. And so I let go. Later, yes, we would return to the topic, but that was later, this was now, and now, right in this moment, all was good.

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